“Know yourself” is such a fundament advice. And a pretty old one actually: “Know thyself” was the first of three maxims inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. The two maxims that followed Know thyself” were “Nothing to excess” and “Surety brings ruin” (cfr. Wikipedia).
It is often referred to as a way to know your strengths and weaknesses, to see how to best play on them. There is no doubt this is relevant to function better as an individual. Though here I would like to underline the importance of knowing yourself as a leader, not only for your individual performance, but also in your “being” towards your stakeholders, whether your management team, organization, business partners etc.
Knowing yourself – in the sense of understanding yourself – is indeed essential to avoid being unconsciously primarily busy with yourself and your own needs, at the expense of your openness to others.
Far from me the idea that you should ignore your own needs, but rather that you become aware, conscious of them to fulfill them in a more meaningful way. And to avoid they remain an unknown, but often very powerful, automatic force in your actions and attitudes. Including towards others.
It boils down to better understanding what motivates you, what stresses you, what energizes you, what are your fears, so that you can better “manage” them or rather so you can manage them more consciously. The idea is not to “fix” them or ignore them and become emotionless (that’s both an illusion and not desirable), but rather to fully accept them and learn how to better live with them, including towards others. For example, it can mean that you feel angry in a certain business situation and that you learn to explain why you feel angry – in a composed way.
A typical example is someone who has a great need for control and tends to micromanage. Micromanaging is a terrible blocker to empowerment. But if you know that your need for control comes eg. from your own fear of failing towards your management, CEO or board, then you can open up to the idea of learning how you can dissociate managing that fear from micro-managing. And learn how to live with that fear without falling by (unconscious) default in a micro-management leadership style.
Another example is someone who is quickly bored by structure & discipline: if so – to avoid getting bored – you may dismiss the benefits of some forms of structure and discipline for the company or your team. Knowing and accepting that it drains your energy will help you to make the distinction between managing that negative feeling versus what is good for the company or team. And it will help you to look for solutions to put in place structure and discipline which are not dependent on you (eg. by delegating to someone else).
A personal example is when I discovered the difference between introverts (eg. me) and extraverts (some of my direct reports). When I understood that extraverts have to talk to go through their reasoning, I started to see their talkative habits totally differently than before, ie. noise I was trying to minimize. I vividly remember it helped me to make a big step forward in leading my teams.
Why is this important for Handshake Leadership? I think you got the point: because if you’re unconsciously busy with yourself, your openness to others (or other’s ideas, opinions, approaches) will be reduced. You also immediately can see how this is an obstacle for eg. inclusivity.
Knowing yourself doesn’t happen overnight. As some say, it takes an entire life. And more. Life experiences are great teachers. Not everything can be learned at once, and sometimes it’s not the right time for certain learnings.
Still, you also can decide to have a more voluntaristic approach: ask an inspirational person to mentor you or hire a great coach (hint ! :-); seek feedback actively from various sources (and not only the one you like); read, follow trainings or listen to podcasts on the topic.
In doing so, try to make it a regular point of attention, not a one-off one. Knowing yourself often follows ways that won’t look very logical to you: at times with no apparent progress, and then suddenly it accelerates.
An interesting very first step is to observe yourself: in which situation do you feel boosted? What drives your mad? Which attitudes work on your nerves? When do you feel a high morale and motivation level? Whatever they are, acknowledge these observations without judgement. Emotions are a very rich source of information.
Last: it’s never too early to start. And it’s never too late either. Enjoy the journey.